To have someone to give your love to. To be in sync with the routine you created for the both of you. To be as one with another. To have someone to share your thoughts, your wins, your losses with. To even kill boredom at times.
To have all that and so much more in another person, someone you can lean on, and then have that person be taken away only means you have to go on a journey to find that person within.
You have to learn to do everything all over again. Because you have to learn to do it alone. To experience it alone. To get used to doing it alone. To learn its normal to do it alone. To realise that it’s worth it doing it alone.
I used to “not bother” doing things I used to do with him. Even though they were fun, even though they would bring me joy. For some reason it wasn’t the same amount of joy as when it was shared. I moved to the most beautiful place, and still, all I could think of was that I had no one to share it with. That I didn’t have him to share it with.
Training to compete, getting take-outs, watching cool Netflix series and stupid reality shows, even shopping… all those exciting activities were something we used to do together. Something that was exciting because we did it together. At least I thought so.
It just didn’t feel worth it, getting a take-out on my own… Why would I bother…
